


Everything You've Ever Wanted Is On The Other Side Of Fear

by kyanitedragon



Series: Hidekane Oneshots [1]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: It's not the way Hide thought his reunion with Kaneki was going to go, Kaneki comforting Hide for once, M/M, Protective but not possessive Kaneki, it has a happy ending don't worry, this ended up a lot fluffier than my original idea was
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-04 15:11:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14595750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyanitedragon/pseuds/kyanitedragon
Summary: After being kidnapped and tormented by a gang of ghouls, Hide hopes that Kaneki will somehow save him, despite the fact that he hasn't seen or heard from the guy in over 6 months. Hide's wish comes true, but facing his ghoul best friend is a lot more complicated and scarier than Hide would have ever thought.Takes place between the 6-month timeskip and the Anteiku Raid.





	Everything You've Ever Wanted Is On The Other Side Of Fear

**Author's Note:**

> "Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear." -George Addair

Hide slammed his back against the wall. There was no way out. He was trapped. Cornered.

_Calm down. Calm down. You don't have anything to fear._

Hide's eyes were wide with fear. His body was shaking. His chest was heaving with each gasp of breath he took. His hand was grasping his wounded right arm, putting pressure on it to stop the bleeding. His shirt had some splatters of blood on it and his sleeve was shredded.

"Hide, it's me." Kaneki called out to him. He pulled his mask off so that it hung around his neck. "I'm here to save you."

"S-stay away!" Hide cried. He cursed internally as it came out sounding louder and more panicked than he wanted it to. He didn't want to be scared of Kaneki; he really didn't. But after he was captured and attacked and tormented by ghouls, he couldn't help his fearful reaction. He knew Kaneki wasn't going to hurt him, but Hide still wanted a little distance between them.

Kaneki's determined expression fell, and became replaced with sadness and pity.

His eyes were mismatched. One was a light grey-blue, normal and calm and kind and what Hide remembered. The other was a red iris surrounded by an inky black sclera. It glowed in the dim room they were in.

His two kagune limbs were expanded on either side of him, impaling one ghoul each against the wall. The ghouls were still alive, clawing at the walls and trying to escape. They growled in anger and hissed in pain as their movement made their wounds worse.

"I'm not going to hurt you..." Kaneki whispered. He took a cautious, slow step forward. He put up his arms to show he meant no harm. As he moved, his kagune stretched even further so they were still able to restrain the ghouls. 

_How much range does a kagune have?! If a ghoul attacked me with one, not even running with a head-start would help me escape!_

"D-don't come closer." Hide begged.  _Calm down. It's fine. It's just Kaneki. Why are you freaking out like this?_

He saw Kaneki flinch. Kaneki stopped and didn't move any closer.

"Please." Hide added, feeling a stab of guilt. "I just need a second..."  _I'm sorry._

Kaneki's eyes flickered to Hide's arm. His wound. Hide felt fear shoot through his body again. He took another step away from Kaneki without even realizing it.

"Y-you're hurt." Kaneki said. His tone sounded a little awkward. He knew how uncomfortable Hide was. "How bad is it?"

Hide couldn't speak anymore. He wanted to run but there was only one way out and it would require him to go past Kaneki and duck under his kagune. Not to mention that he would likely run into more ghouls if he tried to escape. Ghouls that, unlike Kaneki, would definitely kill him.

"You t-traitor!" One of the restrained ghouls yelled. Hide flinched at the sudden outburst. "He's a dove! Kill him!"

During his time here, Hide had put together that a "dove" was what the ghouls called a ghoul investigator. A CCG Member. Hide was technically a part of the CCG. He couldn't deny it. In this state, he didn't have much confidence in his ability to bluff. Would Kaneki trust him? Would he think Hide betrayed him? Would Kaneki kill him?

Kaneki glared at the ghoul, and then turned back to Hide with a soft expression.

"Hide, it's Kaneki. Okay?" Kaneki asked softly. He took half a step closer. "I know I look a little different."

"I kn-know." Hide managed to say.

Kaneki smiled a little. "I'm not going to hurt you, okay?"

"I-I know, but... but..."  _But I'm still afraid. I'm sorry._

Hide felt his eyes watering, and the unfallen tears stung his eyes.

"I'm sorry I can't get rid of this." Kaneki pointed to his red eye. "My eye and kagune activate together. I need to hold them back so they can't hurt you." He gestured to his kagune still impaling each ghoul. There was so much blood splattered against the wall and dripping down from their bodies.

Tearing his eyes away, Hide nodded slowly in understanding.  _So Kaneki can't control it right now..._  That was a little relieving, at least. The fact that Kaneki didn't intend on looking as scary as he currently did.

Kaneki took another half step closer. Hide had to grip the wall behind him to stop himself from inching away from Kaneki again.  _Trust him!_

"Can I come closer?" Kaneki asked. He must have noticed Hide's tension.

Hide shook his head.

"Then.. can you come to me?"

Hide shook his head again.

"Hide, please. We need to get out of here." Kaneki glanced behind him. "Their backup will be here soon. We need to go."

"I'm sorry!" Hide furrowed his brows and the tears finally fell and dripped down his face. He sniffed and tried to hold them back. "I don't want to be afraid! I'm— _I'm not!_  I... I'm sorry!"

Hide felt so weak and pitiful.

"Don't apologize. I'm sorry for not telling you. I-I wasn't sure how to."

"No! Don't apologize! I knew! I knew and I was okay with it, and yet—" Hide grunted in frustration. "And yet I'm still frozen here! I'm such a coward!"  _A hypocrite! An awful person for being afraid of my best friend!_

"Hide, anyone would be afraid. I don't blame you."

Kaneki held out his hand and slowly walked closer, one step at a time.

_It's okay. He's not going to hurt me._

Hide forced his feet to stay planted on the ground.He reached his hand forward, out towards Kaneki. Once Kaneki got close enough, their fingers curled around each other and they held each other's hands. Kaneki smiled at the contact and Hide let out a soft, prideful laugh. 

_I did it!_

Hide's breath hitched, and he lunged his body at Kaneki. He buried his head into Kaneki's chest so he couldn't see either his red eye or his kagune. So that he could just feel and hear his best friend here with him after 6 long months. He felt Kaneki give a gentle hug and squeeze back.

"Can I pick you up?" Kaneki asked.

"Huh?" Hide responded. He pulled out of the hug and locked eyes with his friend. Looking at Kaneki's red and black eye was still nerve-wracking, and Hide took a step back from him reflexively. Hide tried to cover it up as just him getting distance to better talk to him. He forced himself to stay calm. "W-why?"

"I'm gonna jump." Kaneki explained in a whisper, pointing to the broken window higher up that he had come through earlier. "And I don't think you would want me yanking you by the arm instead."

"Y-yeah..." Hide agreed. "That's fine. Um. How should I...?"

Hide hadn't been picked up since he was a little kid. Kaneki was about the same height as him. How would he—?

"Can I?" Kaneki gestured like he knew what to do. Hide took a breath and nodded his permission. Kaneki quickly scooped him up bridal style. Hide awkwardly clung to Kaneki's suit, unsure of how exactly he should hold on. "Here I go."

Kaneki jumped two stories up, through a broken window, and skidded to a stop. He set Hide down, who scrambled out of his grip and backed a few steps away. His breathing was erratic again.

"Are you okay?"

"Define 'okay'." Hide said. He was still a little freaked out of Kaneki but he wanted to get over his fear. He was wounded and it still hurt but it wouldn't restrict too much movement. He was breathing heavily due to the adrenaline and his nerves, and he was very shaken up but otherwise physically fine.

Kaneki gave him a once-over and then took a few steps back to the broken window and peeked down. His two kagune limbs hung behind him almost like tails. It would have been cute, had Hide not just seen Kaneki attack and impale two ghouls with them.

"They're still alive. Looks like they're headed for more backup. I'm sure others are searching for me. We need to get out of here. Now." Kaneki turned back around. "We need to be quick. I can run faster and jump higher, so..."

"So you wanna carry me again." Hide finished.

"Is that okay?"

His fear made him want to keep his distance from Kaneki, but logically he knew he could never make it out by himself.

Hide nodded. "It's fine."

Kaneki bent down. "Okay. Get on my back. That should be easier."

Kaneki's kagune were laying on the ground. There were 2 tentacle-like limbs total, one fanned out at each side of him. Hide tried to force the whole ghoul thing out of his head, just for a moment, but was unable to stop thinking about it. He slowly closed the distance between himself and Kaneki. He stepped over one of the kagune limbs, being careful not to step on it. He felt like, despite being a part of his friend, that if they so much as sensed his body heat and proximity they would suddenly lunge like a snake and bite him. Once safely over his kagune, Hide got onto Kaneki's back and wrapped his arms loosely around Kaneki's neck. It was unavoidable that Hide ended up sitting on the base of his kagune, where it came out of his lower back. He hoped it didn't hurt or bother Kaneki.

Kaneki stood, and Hide watched as the previously motionless limbs came to life and rose. Kaneki extended and moved them around, testing them, and Hide could feel the base he was sitting on move a little. He almost slipped off, and his grip on Kaneki tightened.

"That's not gonna work, huh? Hmm..." Kaneki said, talking more to himself than to Hide. "Maybe this will..."

Hide looked down and saw two more tentacles appear from Kaneki's back, these ones underneath the first two. 

_Kaneki has more than two?!_

The first two limbs slithered up Hide's back and curved around slightly to hold him in place. Hide tensed and didn't budge until the limbs stopped moving. He wished Kaneki would have warned him about that.

"Will that work?" Kaneki asked. He glanced back at Hide, and Hide noticed he turned his head to the right, so that Hide would only be able to see his human eye. Kaneki moved the other two kagune around to test it again, and this time Hide couldn't feel it and he didn't fall off.

"I think so." Hide said.

"Good. Now its time to get out of here."

Kaneki started running, holding his two kagune limbs on either side of him defensively. They were pointed in front of him, ready to attack if Kaneki needed them to.

They both looked around and listened out as Kaneki ran through the ghoul base, waiting for a ghoul to attack. A few moments passed, and then two ghouls popped up. Hide worried that Kaneki would have a hard time fighting since he wasn't able to use two of his kagune, but Kaneki didn't seem to have a problem. He was able to seriously injure the ghouls and then get away. It was a big relief to Hide that Kaneki seemed to know where he was going. 

A few more small groups of ghouls showed up here and there, but Kaneki took care of them just as easily and soon enough they were outside and no one appeared to be chasing them. It was dark outside, and Kaneki ran along the rooftops. He was wearing a black outfit, and thankfully Hide's current outfit was a dark green unlike the other bright clothes he owned. Kaneki slowed his run down slightly, and Hide noticed that the two kagune previously at Kaneki's side were now gone.  _Are we at a safe enough distance now? Good._

Kaneki didn't ask Hide if he wanted to walk, and Hide didn't bring it up. Hide was tired and still paranoid of ghouls chasing them. He knew he would be an easier target if he was following along with Kaneki instead of where he was now, resting against Kaneki's back and secured.

With Hide's adrenaline and fear finally wearing out, Hide relaxed and rested his head on Kaneki's shoulder. He breathed in Kaneki's scent. Despite now being a ghoul and having white hair and wearing a battle suit, he smelled like he always did before. A calming scent that Hide couldn't describe beyond  _Kaneki_. It smelled like home.

Eventually Hide fell asleep against his friend.

\---

Hide got roused from sleep and peeked his eyes open a crack as he felt Kaneki gently shifting him. He could tell Kaneki was moving him so that he could lie down, so Hide closed his eyes again to happily and safely fall back asleep. And then his wounded arm made contact with a surface and Hide cried out and squeezed his eyes shut as his arm suddenly exploded with pain.

"Shit!" He heard Kaneki swear.

Hide felt his upper body being pulled back up away from the surface and the unwounded side of his body was allowed to lean against Kaneki instead.

"Sorry! I forgot that you can't... That you were..." Kaneki trailed off on both of his thoughts.

_Can't what?_

Hide opened his eyes as the throbbing pain slowly reduced. All he could see was Kaneki's abdomen. His outfit had some slices in it, but his exposed skin was intact.

_Ah. That's what he meant. Ghouls can regenerate._

"It's okay." Hide said. He steadied himself so he was sitting on his own instead of limp in Kaneki's grasp. "Do you have a medical kit?"

Kaneki nodded, jumped to his feet, and left the room.

Hide looked around. He was sitting on a bed, in a bedroom, but it wasn't his own room. Or Kaneki's. At least... Not Kaneki's bedroom from where he used to live. 

_Is this where he's been staying these past 6 months? Glad its not some run-down place. It looks nice._

Kaneki came back a few moments later. "Here's the medkit. You don't need a hospital, do you? Shit, I should have asked you that earlier!" He looked about ready to start smacking himself for his mistake.

"Kaneki." Hide said firmly, before Kaneki could berate himself. "I'm fine. This should be fine. Calm down."

"Okay." Kaneki said quickly. "...Okay." He repeated, a little more calmly this time.

"It's not a deep wound, so I don't need stitches. I just need to wrap it up and it'll heal on its own." Hide explained as he opened the kit and started taking out the supplies he would need. _He looks so worried and lost on what to do. I guess it makes sense, considering he regenerates now._  

"Um, do you need anything else?" Kaneki asked, slowly increasing in volume and confidence as he spoke. "I can bring you anything you need! But I don't, uh, have any..." He hesitated. "...food... here... So that'll take a bit longer to get, but just let me know and I'll go get whatever you want."

"No, I would rather you stay here. Please. But um, maybe I could have some water to drink?"

_Ghouls can drink water, right? Kaneki should have that?_

Kaneki nodded and left again.

Once he was gone, Hide pulled his shirt off with one hand and then started to clean his wound. He wanted to clean it quickly before Kaneki came back. He didn't really feel comfortable cleaning up blood while hissing in pain in the presence of his friend, much less his ghoul friend. He winced with each dab against the wound and had to bare through the antiseptic, making sure to not be too loud.

He was just about done when Kaneki returned, and Hide quickly stopped. It was good enough.

Kaneki handed the water glass to Hide, pulled the end table closer to the bed, and then took a seat beside Hide on the edge of the bed. Hide took a sip then went back to work.

"Thanks." Hide tried to avoid eye contact with Kaneki while he was taking care of his wound. He took the bandages, then glanced at his friend. Kaneki didn't say anything and was staring at the wall, also avoiding eye contact.

Hide examined his wound, trying to figure out the best way to wrap it up. He grabbed the bandages and was about to start, when he felt eyes on him. He glanced back up. Just as he expected, Kaneki was now watching him. Hide felt self-conscious and pulled the blanket so that it covered up his stomach and a little of his chest. Kaneki turned away as soon as their eyes had met.

"S-sorry." Kaneki got up and awkwardly walked around the room, straightening random things and doing anything to keep busy.

Ignoring his friend's awkwardness for once, Hide began to carefully wrap the bandages around his arm. It was very difficult to do with one hand. Then his finger slipped and he accidentally hit his wound at the wrong angle. He hissed in pain and then groaned in annoyance as all that work he did came unraveled. Now he'd need to start all over.

"Do you want help?" Kaneki asked. Hide looked at him. His voice had been so quiet and timid. "S-sorry. You probably don't want me—"

"I dunno. It's up to you." Hide answered before Kaneki could say anything self-deprecating. "I'd appreciate the help and I don't mind, but you're the one that'd need to judge how it'd go."

Hide felt a lot calmer now that Kaneki was acting like the awkward nerd he was. He was glad his earlier fear of Kaneki was gone, although he worried how he would react if and when Kaneki showed his ghoul side again. He trusted Kaneki before and that still stood true now, but Hide also knew that he had tempted Kaneki once before. Months ago, back during the Nishio incident. Hide wasn't exactly sure how this kind of stuff affected a ghoul. Surprisingly, he was more worried about Kaneki than his own safety. 

"I'm okay." Kaneki slowly came closer and sat on the bed. "But just tell me if you want me to stop or leave the room. For whatever reason. Okay?"

Hide nodded, handed him the bandages, and held out his arm.

"And tell me if I hurt you." Kaneki added as he began to wrap his arm.

They sat in silence as Kaneki worked, but it was a comfortable and peaceful sort of silence. Hide was still in shock that Kaneki was in front of him after all this time. He worried it was a dream.

He watched Kaneki's hands as he worked. He was so gentle and his touches were soft. His nails were black. No, actually... were they dark red? Nail polish? ...Or dried blood?

Hide discreetly looked up at Kaneki's face. Kaneki looked deep in thought. His eyes were both now their natural grey-blue color. Kaneki's hair was white, and Hide wanted to reach out and touch it to see if it was dyed.

He ended up doing so without even fully-realizing it. It felt like he was in a daze or he was dreaming. He only realized he had reached out when he felt his hands brush tufts of hair. Kaneki looked at him and blinked in confusion.

"Natural..." Hide whispered. _It doesn't feel dyed. It's natural? How...? That doesn't make sense..._

"Oh. That..." Kaneki scoffed lightly. Hide waited for him to explain why his hair was white. He never did.

"There." Kaneki said. He pulled his hands away and set them in his lap. Hide's upper arm was all bandaged up now.

"Thank you." Hide said. "Um. Can I borrow a shirt?"

Kaneki went over to the dresser and dug around inside.

"I don't have anything colorful. Sorry." Kaneki said, cracking a smile. 

_Well, that confirms that he lives here and that this is his room._

"It's fine." Hide chuckled back. He was glad that things were starting to feel more real and normal between them instead of feeling like a dream.

Kaneki returned with a folded shirt and handed it to Hide, who quickly put it on. The shirt was plain and dull and not Hide's style, but with his chest and stomach covered with clothing, he began to feel a lot better and his confidence was returning.

"I'm not trying to be mean or nosy, but..." Kaneki began. "You look... skinnier..."

And there his confidence went again. Hide had hoped Kaneki wouldn't notice.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or make you uncomfortable. I know I got a lot more muscular... And that I'm a... so... nevermind. Forget I said anything."

"I lost weight." Hide admitted. "You look good though."

Hide knew he looked really bad. His bad eating habits and depression had begun after Kaneki disappeared, as well as a screwed up sleep cycle. He had lost a lot of weight, he hadn't cut his hair in months, and he had bags under his eyes.

"Thanks." Kaneki scratched his cheek awkwardly. "But... you should eat something..."

Kaneki probably assumed that he looked bad because of his capture, although a half-day of being held hostage wouldn't have made THAT much of an impact on his body's health. And it would take more than a single meal to make him healthy again.

"I don't want to..." Hide whispered. He remembered that Kaneki said he didn't have any food here. Kaneki would need to go out and buy food for him.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"A little." Hide admitted. He felt awkward and guilty discussing eating. "But I don't want you to leave me."

Kaneki raised his voice to a normal speaking level. "You have to eat, Hide! You're the one that always said—!" He stopped himself. "'Nevermind."

Hide took a guess of what he was going to say, "I'm the one that told you that you have to keep eating? That its important for your health?" 

 _I_ _s he implying that he remembered me saying that? Did that simple comment really help him out with this ghoul thing?_   Hide wondered.  _Oh, how ironic now for me to be the one to have bad eating habits._

Kaneki nodded awkwardly. "Y-yeah."

Hide's stomach growled.  _Traitor._ He hadn't eaten since lunch earlier in the day. Hide glanced at the digital clock on the bed-stand. It said it was 10:24.

"Please eat." Kaneki said.

"I don't want to be alone here..." Hide admitted. He felt so weak.

"Then I can get someone to go get you something." Kaneki offered, standing up without even getting Hide's approval of his idea. "I'll be right back." 

 _Be right back? Is he going to make a call...? But then why couldn't he do that in here?_ Hide asked himself. 

Then he realized the more likely answer.  _Are there people here? Ghouls here? Where even am I? Who's place is this and what ward am I in?_

Hide moved so he was sitting and leaning against the wall. A few minutes passed before Kaneki came back and sat down on the edge of the bed again.

"Where are we?" Hide asked.

"My apartment." Kaneki answered. "I mean, my, uh... Well, I don't know what you'd call it. A hideout? I formed a group and we stay here."

"A ghoul group?" Hide asked.

Kaneki bit his lip apologetically. "It was closest. I didn't want to go back to the 20th Ward and risk anyone seeing us. Sorry I didn't tell you. I can take you somewhere else if you want now. But the ghouls here are friends of mine. They're nice. They won't hurt you."

"Touka-chan?" Hide guessed.

Kaneki's eyes widened in horror. He froze and didn't say anything.

 _Shit I wasn't supposed to know that._  

"Uh...! Um...!" Hide struggled to recover.

_Don't be mad! Don't leave! Don't kick me out!_

"How much do you...?" Kaneki whispered in horror.

A soft knock was heard, and they both turned to look at the door.

"Onii-chan?" It was a brunette girl standing in the doorway. She looked a little familiar.

_Brother? Kaneki doesn't have any siblings..._

"Hin— I mean...!" Kaneki stood and blocked Hide's view of the girl. 

 _So Kaneki doesn't trust me, after all._ Hide frowned.

"Who is that?" The girl asked.

"I'll be out in a minute. Just wait for me, okay?"

"Tsukiyama-san is here and wants to talk to you."

"Why tonight?" Kaneki muttered under his breath. "I'll be with him in a little bit. Tell him to wait. And make sure he doesn't walk around up here. ...On second thought make him wait outside."

"Aww. But I wanted to talk to him!"

"Another time, please? I really don't want him in here tonight."

"Okay."

Hide heard footsteps as she walked away. Kaneki slowly turned back toward him.

"Tsukiyama-san?" Hide repeated. "As in, the Tsukiyama family? They're ghouls?"

Kaneki was staring off into his room, deep in thought. He looked like he was having a crisis.

"I'm not supposed to know that, am I? Or whoever she was? Or Touka-chan?"

"You weren't supposed to know  _anything_." Kaneki whispered. He sounded on the verge of tears. 

 _Well,_  Hide thought darkly, _that's better than the alternative reaction._

"Kaneki, I promise that I'm not going to turn anyone in. Human or ghoul, I don't care, okay? I just want you to stay friends with me."

"Hide—"

"I know I froze up today. I'm sorry. I'm _really_ sorry. But I'm not scared of you. At least, I don't want to be. I want to work this out. Please trust me and give me a chance."

Kaneki sat back down beside him. "Hide, that's not what I meant. Thank you for accepting me," Kaneki gave a genuine smile, "but that's not what I..." He sighed in exasperation. "There's dangerous people — dangerous _ghouls —_  and I wanted to keep you separate from them and safe, but now..."

"I thought you just said they wouldn't hurt me?" Hide asked, more confused than scared. For the moment, anyway.

"5 out of 6 of them." Kaneki rolled his eyes. "He wasn't supposed to be here today. I'm sorry."

"Oh..."

"I mean, he probably won't care. He has a human friend. But I don't fully trust him and I didn't want to take any chances."

"Well, thanks for keeping him away."

"And as for... the girl... Well, I made a promise to protect her to— Well, I guess I can use  _her_  name since you already know." Kaneki straightened his body and locked eyes with Hide. "Okay, so, I promised Touka-chan that I would protect that girl. That girl lost her parents and we nearly lost her too. I trust you but I don't know if Touka-chan will, and I don't want to risk her freaking out if you know about the girl."

"So Touka-chan is here too?" Hide asked.

Kaneki shook his head. "No. It's just me, the girl, some guy from the 11th ward, his 3 followers, and then Tsukiyama-san comes and goes."

"Why not Touka-chan?" Hide asked.  _She really misses you. I understand why I couldn't come with you but why not her?_

"It's dangerous. I didn't want her to get involved."

Hide scoffed. "Yet you have a little girl here?"

"I didn't mean like—" Kaneki groaned. "I don't let her go on missions unless—"

"Missions?!" Hide asked, incredulously. "What on Earth are you doing here, Kaneki?!"

Kaneki looked at him, but didn't say anything.

"Please." Hide said. "Please don't keep me in the dark anymore."

"It's... complicated. Long and complicated and I really don't want to explain it right now."

Hide sighed. "Fine. But can you at least answer, how did you find me?"

"I got some information that a gang of ghouls captured a human. I didn't know it was you at first. I was concerned about it, but y'know, stuff like that happens a lot. But then I heard some descriptions, and it sounded like you, so... I broke in and saved you."

"Well, thanks. I'm glad you found me." Hide shivered when he thought about what happened. That experience was awful. A gang of ghouls had cornered him this afternoon, probably wanting to make him their next dinner. But then they saw he was a part of the CCG, and kidnapped him instead. They seemed to be holding him captive to eventually be questioned by their leader, but in the meantime they had fun tormenting and taunting him for being a weak, powerless human.

"Are you okay? They didn't... do anything to you, did they?" Kaneki looked deeply concerned. Hide was grateful that he was concerned for him, but he wondered why Kaneki seemed almost unnerved at the idea of it. What did Kaneki think he had been through? 

"Not really. This is the most serious thing they did." He gestured to his wounded upper arm. "Pretty sure they were gonna eat me if you hadn't shown up, though."

"Okay. Good." 

"They really freaked me out though. Which is why I also freaked out about _you_ earlier. I'm sorry."

"Hide, I said it's o—"

"I thought I would be fine around you. I really did. I know that ghouls are predators to humans but I really thought that I could be brave. I trust you. Completely. Really! And I knew you weren't going to hurt me but I still froze up and I was so _scared_."

"Hide..."

"I want to get over my fear. I really do." Hide looked into Kaneki's eyes with resolve.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Can you, make your eye change or make those tentacle-things come out again? I just want to see them when I'm not in danger so I can calm down and get used to it."

"I don't know... I don't really want you to see me like that, Hide..." Kaneki looked away, shame on his face.

"But _I do_. I don't want to fear you because of a bad experience with a few bad ghouls."

Kaneki looked like he was considering it. "I can... activate my eye without my kagune."

"Okay. That'll work."

Kaneki blinked once, looking uncertain, and then he let his kakugan activate. Since the ceiling light in Kaneki's room was off and the only light on was a lamp at the bedside, his red eye glowed a little against the dim room. Hide felt nervous seeing the glowing eye, and his body automatically tensed up, but Hide was determined to calm down.

"It's kinda creepy, huh?" Kaneki asked. It sounded like he was trying to tell Hide that it was okay if he was scared, that it didn't offend him.

"It's not that bad. I just gotta adjust to it." Hide replied. He stared at Kaneki's kakugan, and then flickered his gaze between his grey eye and his red one.

Once he had a few minutes to adjust, Hide wanted to test something. He leaned over and flicked the lamp off. The room was almost completely dark now. The only light came from the open door that lead to the hallway. Kaneki's red eye glowed even more in the dark room.

_That's actually pretty cool. It's almost like a cat's eye._

"You still okay?" Kaneki asked. "I can deactivate it anytime."

"No, don't. I'm fine. I kinda like it."

"Okay..."

"Could you come closer?"

"Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't be asking you if I wasn't sure."

Slowly, Kaneki crawled across the bed before sitting down directly at Hide's side. They were both leaning against the wall now. Hide continued to admire Kaneki's glowing red eye, and then he turned the light back on so they could both see each other better.

"So... What about your kagune?" Hide asked next. He hoped he wasn't being too pushy about wanting to see Kaneki's ghoul side.

"What about it?"

"I was pretty interested in kagune before. I didn't even know ghouls had them until I cracked open that book from Dr. Ogura. It seemed like it would be really cool to have one." Hide smiled, remembering back to all the information he learned from that book and the CCG. So much about ghouls was hidden from the public. You had to work really hard to get information on them. And Hide was sure so much _more_ was classified, and even _more_ that the CCG didn't even know yet.

Hide's interest in ghouls was coming back now. When he first read those books and started doing research, Hide had gotten so excited that one day he'd be able to talk about it with Kaneki and see it firsthand. And now here he was, talking to his ghoul best friend. Then an image popped into his head. Eyepatch stabbing a ghoul with his kagune. A cry of pain from the ghoul and so much blood.

"Do you want to see it?" Kaneki asked.

"I don't know..." Hide said cautiously. "Don't take this the wrong way, cuz I know you wouldn't hurt me, but... is it safe? Like, would I need to be careful of them? Are they only used as weapons or do you use them for other stuff too?" 

"I've personally only ever used them as a weapon. I don't know about other ghouls. But they're a ghoul body part, so I don't see why you couldn't use it for other stuff." Kaneki shrugged. "And yeah, I have complete control of them so it's safe. And the way it works is that I can harden or soften it at will, so it won't be sharp and dangerous if you want to see them right now."

"Then, I'd like to see it. If it's okay with you..."

Kaneki nodded. He scooted away from the wall and then four tentacles wormed out from his lower back underneath his shirt.

"Can you pick how many you want to bring out?" Hide asked, eyes flickering to each of the four limbs. "I know you had only two earlier."

"Yeah, I can do that or I can, like, combine them together. RC Cells are really flexible and act almost like a liquid."

To demonstrate, Kaneki let his 4 kagune limbs combine together into one large, thick limb. He moved it around as a demonstration and then he split them apart into 4 again.

"That's weird but cool." Hide said. "I've never seen anything like it."

"You can touch it if you want." Kaneki said. 

Hide stared at them. All 4 limbs were held extended at his sides, and they swung a little bit in the air. He wanted to touch them, but he was also nervous to. It was a weapon. A hunting organ.

"It's not gonna bite you." Kaneki said softly, eyes widening when he realized what he said related to being a ghoul. "And neither will I, by the way." He laughed awkwardly.

Hide snickered, glad Kaneki was comfortable enough to be making jokes. Even accidental ones.

Kaneki grabbed one of his limbs and guided it between the two of them. He let Hide take his time as he worked up the nerve to reach out and touch it. And once Hide seemed adjusted to it, Kaneki gently placed it in Hide's lap.

Hide looked up at Kaneki in shock.  _This isn't weird for him? I mean, this is a part of his body..._ Hide poked the squishy limb again. _Not that I'm complaining. This is really cool and fun._

Kaneki laughed lightly. Hide smiled. _He seems so happy right now. I'm glad I could make him feel this way._

"I'm surprised you're letting me see this so quickly and easily." Hide admitted.

Kaneki shrugged. "Kagune seemed like something you were interested in and wanted to see."

They sat in comfortable silence again. Hide continued to hold Kaneki's kagune in his lap, stroking the scales every so often like it was a cat.

"Just so you know, I didn't kill anyone when I saved you..." Kaneki said softly.

"You should have." Hide muttered under his breath. 

Kaneki blinked.

Hide bit his lip and looked down. "Should I not have said that?"

"I don't know..." Kaneki said. He looked away. "Maybe they would have deserved it; I don't know much about their gang. I just... didn't expect you to say that."

"I don't judge ghouls. I never did. I believed they were just like us. But today..." Hide squeezed his eyes shut. "They didn't care. They treated me like I was worth less than them. They captured me and dragged me around and hurt me and tasted my blood right in front of me. It's not their fault what they are or what they need to eat. But they don't need to be cocky about their power at the top of the food chain..."

"I'm sorry you had to go through that..." Kaneki whispered, locking his gaze with Hide again. "I agree with you. And there's unfortunately quite a few ghouls that act like that."

"So how'd it all happen?" Hide asked. "Rize was a ghoul and she attacked you, right? I've been putting the pieces together and trying to figure it out the best I can, but I don't know the full story." Hide started spitting out some of the questions he had. "How exactly did you get turned into a ghoul? When did you know? Why did you leave? Why's your hair white?"

"..."

"I guess that's kind of insensitive to expect answers, though. I'm sorry if it's too personal or hard to talk about or uncomfortable or whatever..."

"No, you deserve some answers. There _are_ some things I can't talk about, but... I can try to fill you in best I can."

And so Kaneki started at the beginning, from his date with Rize, and explained everything to Hide. Once he began, the whole story just followed along with it. He was pretty much rambling and ranting and venting from then on. He even talked about how hard his hunger was to cope with at first, which surprised himself. Apparently he really had grown and moved on over those months of first being turned into a ghoul. And Hide didn't show any signs of disgust or judgement. He simply listened and followed along.

The only thing Kaneki worried about was what Hide would ask about his disappearance. Kaneki didn't want to talk about his kidnapping and what Yamori did to him. But Kaneki didn't make it that far in his story. He was somewhere beginning the story of Tsukiyama, when he noticed Hide suddenly got anxious and nervous, and not because of the story.

Once Kaneki noticed Hide's reaction, he stopped talking. He focused on their surroundings, and noticed there were voices coming from the hallway. He had noticed them a while ago, but ignored them because he was used to his apartment being rather noisy and full of his group talking to each other.

"I don't know! He told me to get this and didn't explain why."

"I don't know what use Kaneki-kun would have for human food..."

"Then just ask him yourself."

"Tsukiyama-san!" Kaneki gasped, retracting his kagune and jumping to his feet.

"Um?!" Hide said, growing more nervous and worried.

Two tall men rounded the corner and stood in the open doorway. One was dressed fancy, and the other was dressed casually but had gigantic muscles. Together they made a strange pair.

 _Uh, Kaneki...? What do you want me to do?_ Hide thought. One of the men — one of the ghouls — was very intimidating-looking. And one of the two was this Tsukiyama guy that Kaneki had warned him about. Kaneki had just been in the middle of telling him about how Tsukiyama wanted to eat him, knowing fully-well that he was half-ghoul.

"Kaneki, I got you—" The muscular man began, holding out a paper bag.

"Kaneki-kun!!! The fancy man interrupted and smiled proudly. "Hori got information I think you'll be very eager to hear."

"Didn't Hinami-chan tell you to wait outside?" Kaneki asked. His voice was deep and threatening. It sent chills down Hide's spine.

"Ah, yes, but Hori found—"

"I don't care."

"But I thought you wanted to know about Kanou as soon as—"

"Wait. Outside."

The man's eyes drifted over to Hide, and his mouth formed a small "o" as if everything suddenly made sense.

"So that's what you wanted the food for! You have a human pet now too!"

"Pet?!" Hide exclaimed, both angered and panicked. The ghouls that captured him earlier had mentioned human pets and what ghouls did with them. He knew Kaneki wouldn't do anything like that to him, but Hide was now doubting the morals of the ghouls Kaneki associated with.

"Tsukiyama-san!" Kaneki snapped.

"I'm loyal to you but I'm not waiting all night, Kaneki-kun." The man warned before walking off.

Kaneki angrily crossed his arms. He was bristling.

"Sorry." The muscular man said timidly. "I didn't know you didn't want him inside."

Kaneki sighed. "It's not your fault, Banjou-san." Kaneki turned back to Hide. "Sorry. But his information _is_ kind of important. So... I'll be right back!" Kaneki ran off.

"K-Kaneki!" Hide called after him. He almost jumped off the bed to run after him, but then he remembered the tall, very muscular ghoul standing in his doorway.

 _It's not **your** doorway, though. _ His mind reminded him. _It's **Kaneki's** room. And this ghoul is probably one of the ghouls that live here. He has more right to be here than you do._

Hide sunk his body down, trying to make himself smaller. He wanted to disappear. He wanted this ghoul to leave and Kaneki to come back.

"Um, hey." The ghoul greeted with an awkward hand wave. He walked inside.

Hide clutched the blanket at his side, as if he could use it as a ghoul-proof shield.

The ghoul held out the brown bag toward him. "Kaneki had me pick up some food, and I'm guessing its for you?"

Hide curiously took the bag and peered inside. All that tension released from his body when he saw a Big Girl hamburger.

"Oh. Thanks..."

_I shouldn't have judged him. Or thought that Kaneki would have left a dangerous ghoul with me._

"No problem." The ghoul replied.

Hide awkwardly fidgeted with the bag in his lap.

"Are you Hide?"

"Yeah..."

"Kaneki's mentioned you before. It's nice to get to meet you. I'm Banjou." He held out a hand, and Hide took it. Banjou gave him a firm handshake.

"Nice to meet you too."

"Is it okay if I sit? You seem pretty nervous, so I'd feel bad leaving you alone."

"Um. I guess that's fine..."

This ghoul seemed nice, and Kaneki seemed to trust him.

Banjou pulled up a chair from Kaneki's desk and sat down.

"It's safe here. From the CCG and dangerous ghouls alike. Don't worry."

They fell into an awkward silence, but thankfully Kaneki returned after not too long. He was holding onto a folded piece of paper.

"Well, it's late. I'm heading off to bed. See you guys later." Banjou said once he saw Kaneki, and stood up and put the chair back.

"Goodnight, Banjou-san. Thanks." Kaneki smiled.

"Night." Hide called out softly.

Once he left, Hide looked at Kaneki. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry about that." Kaneki walked up to his desk and put the piece of paper in one of the drawers. "Tsukiyama-san's gone now, by the way."

"Okay. Good. I guess?"

Kaneki came back and sat down on the bed where he had earlier. "Can you please eat now? You've got me worried."

"Can you stay? If it doesn't make you sick, that is." _Or make you jealous or guilty or—_

Kaneki nodded. "I'll stay."

"Can you finish your story?" Hide asked as he opened his food up and started to eat.

Not wanting to make Hide sick or ruin his appetite, Kaneki skipped over the remainder of the Tsukiyama story and went straight into Kanou and Rize and what Kaneki was doing in this ward. He also left out the whole cannibalizing ghouls thing. Once Hide was done eating, he laid down and got comfortable. Kaneki stayed sitting beside him, and continued telling his story. Hide started to yawn and he looked awfully comfortable laying there. It was almost like Kaneki was telling Hide a bedtime story. 

"Go ahead and sleep here, okay? I'll be right downstairs on the couch if you need anything." Kaneki said. He grabbed Hide's trash and went to leave.

"Wait!" Hide cried, grabbing Kaneki's wrist. "You don't need to. Can you stay?"

Kaneki blinked. "You don't mind it?"

Hide shook his head. "No. Of course not."

"Alright then..."

Hide released Kaneki's hand, and Kaneki closed and locked the door. Kaneki got under the covers and laid on the bed, his back facing away from Hide. He felt the bed dip as Hide shifted his position. Then Hide wrapped his arms around him, and Kaneki tensed from surprise.

"Hide?" Kaneki whispered. 

Hide didn't respond. He only pulled himself closer and snuggled against him. Kaneki could feel Hide's body pressing comfortably against his back. Kaneki didn't dare move, and he didn't even risk looking behind him at Hide. He just laid there.

 _What is he...? Is he asleep...?_ Kaneki wondered.

After what felt like half an hour, Hide finally spoke.

"I'm not taking advantage of you, am I?" 

_This entire time I've been constantly begging Kaneki to stay with me._

" _You_ taking advantage of _me_?" Kaneki asked incredulously. He turned his body so that he was laying on his back and looking at Hide. Hide loosened his embrace but didn't pull away yet. "I've been worried about taking advantage of _you_. I mean, I scared you to begin with and then I brought you here when you were sleeping to this new place full of ghouls. Not to mention, I'm a ghoul now and you're still human."

 _That does sound awfully creepy when you word it like that..._ Hide thought.

"But... I keep talking you into staying with me, and I didn't really give you much of a choice. I'm sorry if I guilted you into any of it. You don't need to do anything I ask you to."

"I'm sorry you don't feel comfortable to be left here alone." Kaneki replied softly. "I guess I should have eased you into it and showed you around and introduced you to everyone. No offense, but you seem pretty nervous and skittish about everything going on. I've never seen you like this and I'm not really sure what to do about it."

"I don't either." Hide whispered. _I still feel so weak and afraid and now I feel selfish for wanting Kaneki here for comfort as well as company._

Kaneki looked at the ceiling. "Well, don't worry about asking me to stay with you. It's not that I don't want to be with you or be close to you. I just... I'm afraid of doing something wrong and making things worse, and I wanted to give you enough distance to avoid it."

Hide chuckled lightly. "You know me. I don't like distance from people."

"I-I know, but... I figured this was different..."

"I _will_ let you know if I want any distance though, okay? So, just keep being yourself and don't overthink how you should act. Just act like you always do around me."

Kaneki sighed as if he was resetting himself, and then nodded.

" _Is_ this okay, though?" Hide asked.

Kaneki looked at Hide. Their faces were only inches away from each other. Hide's arms were still wrapped around him, although it was a loose grip. Hide's hair was disheveled against his pillow, despite not laying down for too long yet. Half of his face was pressed comfortably against the pillow. He looked exhausted, but he still looked beautiful.

_This feels so domestic..._

Kaneki smiled. "It's nice."

Hide smiled and his eyes lit up. "I'm glad. I think it is too."

Hide tightened his embrace, rested his head against Kaneki's shoulder, and swung his leg over Kaneki's. Kaneki reached his hand around Hide, and then tilted his head so that his face was in Hide's hair. 

"Goodnight." 

"It will be..."

\---

Hide was pretty hungry once he woke up, and his stomach wouldn't stop rumbling and it was only getting louder and louder. Kaneki was still asleep, and Hide didn't want to wake him up. Hide slipped out of Kaneki's loose embrace and sat up against the headboard. After debating it in his head for about 5 minutes, he finally worked up the nerve to leave the room. Kaneki wasn't, so maybe the other ghouls wouldn't be awake yet either.

Hide quietly slipped out of bed, then out of the room, and tiptoed down the stairs. Directly across from the stairs was the living room, where the young girl, Banjou, and three other people sat. They all glanced up and looked at him as soon as he saw them. Fear shot through him, and he really wanted to run back to the safety of Kaneki's room and slam and lock the door.

But these were Kaneki's _friends_ , he reminded himself. He had to get over his fear. He _wanted_ to get over his fear. It wasn't fair to Kaneki's friends. He knew they were all good people.

Hide tightened his grip on the handrail to keep himself from running and gave a little wave.

"Uh, hello Hide." Banjou greeted.

_Hold on. Ghouls. There's no food here._

His stomach rumbled again.

"Um..." Banjou struggled. Obviously he had heard it and understood the dilemma.

_At least this is just about as awkward for them as it is for me._

"Would you like some coffee?" Banjou offered.

"That'd be nice. Thanks." Hide slowly walked down the remainder of the stairs and into the living room.

"Feel free to sit down."

"Are you sure? I don't wanna intrude or make anyone uncomfortable." Hide looked at the young girl currently hiding her face behind a book. 

"No, no! We don't mind!" Banjou followed his gaze and glanced over at the girl. "Hinami-chan, are you okay?"

"Um!" She cried, flinching and peeking at them from behind her book.

"He's Kaneki's friend. The one he talks about." Banjou said softly. He stood up and headed into the kitchen.

"Onii-chan's...?" She slowly put her book down and looked at him. "...Hide?"

Hide nodded. "That's me."

 _Isn't this the girl that Kaneki didn't want me to know about? Is it okay if I talk to her...?_  

"I didn't know you were a human..." She whispered.

"We don't really interact much with humans, so you'll need to excuse our awkwardness." Banjou explained.

"Well, I don't really interact much with ghouls either..." Hide replied.

Banjou smiled at their mutual understanding of awkwardness. "Kaneki sleeps in sometimes after missions, but he should be awake pretty soon."

Hide nodded in understanding and then sat on the empty space on the couch, being mindful of not sitting too close to the young girl for her comfort. The ghouls had the TV on, and a popular comedy was playing. They were watching it and they all, Hide included, started laughing when a funny line came on.

 _Yup._ Hide thought as he was finally able to fully relax. _Ghouls really are just like humans._  

Banjou came back and handed Hide a coffee. "We don't have any cream or sugar here. Sorry if you don't like it black."

"Don't worry about it. Thanks for making it for me."

Black coffee was too bitter for his personal taste, but he didn't hate it either. And ghouls always seemed to be able to make really delicious and rich coffee. Banjou's wasn't quite as good as Anteiku's, but it was still better black coffee than anywhere else had.

_\---_

A door squeaked open, and then heavy footsteps sounded as someone ran through the upstairs hallways. Then they ran down the staircase, leaping down the last several stairs.

"Hide!!!!"

It was Kaneki, with a massive bedhead and dressed in only a sleep-shirt and his boxers.

"Kaneki?" Hide asked. "What's wrong?"

Kaneki visibly relaxed upon seeing him and then strode toward Hide, pulling him into a hug without a word. Hide was taken aback for a moment. Kaneki _never_ initiated contact with him.

Hide hugged back and whispered, "What's wrong?"

"I was worried last night wasn't real. That you didn't know. Or worse, that I had failed to save you and those ghouls had-"

Hide rubbed his back. "It's okay. I'm here and I'm safe and I know."

They stayed embraced for several moments. It was like time stopped. It was just the two of them, together again after all this time. It was warm and felt like home.

Finally Kaneki pulled away. "Let's get you some breakfast, and I'll walk you back to your place."

\---

The two of them found a small café that served breakfast and got a table for two. Hide ordered a simple breakfast and Kaneki just got a black coffee.

"Don't you get sick of just coffee all the time?" Hide asked once the waitress left.

"Not when its the only thing you can have." Kaneki said, giving a "cheers!" gesture with his cup before taking a sip.

Hide smiled amusedly. He was glad Kaneki was actually openly talking about himself being a ghoul. And it was shocking that he wasn't being depressing about it.

Then all that happiness was gone as Kaneki quickly spit the sip he had taken back out into his coffee cup and covered his mouth with his hand. He was trying not to throw up.

"You okay? What's wrong?" Hide asked, making sure to keep his voice down. "Need any help? Need me to do anything? I can cover for you if you need to run to the bathroom."

Kaneki slowly took his hand off his mouth. "I'm fine. They just put milk in this."

"Stuff tastes _that_ bad?" Hide asked. _That was a pretty extreme reaction for a single sip of coffee._

Kaneki nodded slowly.

"Hey, excuse me!" Hide waved over a waitress. "My friend ordered black coffee, but this one has milk in it."

"Oh, I'm sorry! I'll be right back with a new one!" The waitress cried out before heading into the kitchen.

"Thanks..." Kaneki whispered. "For everything."

"Thanks for being here."

The waitress came back with a new cup, and once she left Kaneki took a sip of his new coffee. He prepared himself just in case it still wasn't right. Kaneki made a face, but thankfully didn't look like he was going to throw up. "Ugh, it's not that good..."

"Sorry." Hide frowned. His food and drink tasted fine. It wasn't fair that the only thing Kaneki was able to drink here didn't taste too good.

Kaneki shrugged. "Like I said, the only thing I can have." He took another sip.

"That sucks... I'm sorry." Hide said. He messed around with the food on his plate.

"Hey, keep eating, okay? Don't worry about me."

Hide took another bite of his food. _He's right. I don't want him worrying about me._

"Next time we'll go to Anteiku!" Hide promised.

Kaneki shook his head. "They have good coffee but not great food. Now I understand why."

"Okay, then how about next time one of us can get something to go, and then we meet and sit at the place where there's good food or drink for the other? That sound like a good compromise?"

Kaneki smiled. "Yeah, it does."

\---

After Hide finished his breakfast, Kaneki walked him back to his apartment and they began to say their goodbyes.

"The 20th Ward is the safest ward for humans, but still. Be careful."

"I will, don't worry about me. And I heard the 6th is pretty dangerous, so you be safe too."

"I'll be okay."

"I know."

"So, uh. Now that you know about me..." Kaneki began.

"Can I come visit occasionally?" Hide interrupted before Kaneki could finish his thought.

"You would want to?"

"Yeah! I had fun! I'd like to get to know your friends better!"

"I'd need some notice before you could come by." Kaneki answered slowly. He spoke with caution. "And I'd only feel comfortable walking you to and from, because the 6th Ward is pretty dangerous."

"That's fine by me!"

Kaneki smiled. "Yeah. I guess it'd be fine, huh?" It sounded like he was talking mostly to himself.

"Oh crap!" Hide suddenly exclaimed.

"What's wrong?" Kaneki tensed and went on alert.

"I just remembered! I had homework that I totally forgot about!!!"

Kaneki blinked and then started laughing. Hide laughed along with him, and it took a while for them to calm down.

Hide waited for Kaneki to say goodbye and leave, but it never came. They just stared at each other.

"I don't wanna go." Kaneki chuckled.

"So don't." Hide gave his usual cheery smile. "You let me stay at yours, so stay over at my place!" He smirked and added in a sing-song. "I've got coffee!!!"

Kaneki smiled, fondness and sadness written on his face. "I wish I could. I really do. But I've got things to do."

Hide smiled sadly. "Yeah. I figured as much..."

"Thanks anyway."

"The offer stands anytime, man. Okay? Whether you just miss me, or wanna vent about something, or just happen to be in the neighborhood on one of your 'missions'." He used finger quotes.

"I'll keep that in mind."

"Stay in touch, okay?"

"I will. I promise."

Hide gave him one final hug, and then Kaneki headed off.


End file.
